One Year...

Today marks one year since I found out I was having twins. For those few readers I have left, and for those who are interested, I'll be posting Joseph and Hyrum's story, beginning with our first visit to the doctor. I wrote this last year so I could remember. It reads kind of like a journal.

March 25, 2009
Today we went to see Dr. Aagard at his office in Timpanogos Hospital. I knew I was pregnant, but I didn’t know how far along I was. Dr. Aagard performed an ultrasound and confirmed that I was pregnant, and he stated there was just one baby in there. I was somewhat relieved to hear that as there seemed to be a lot of twins showing up in Ferron. Sydney had also been praying for twins. She prayed for a sister and along came Claire. She prayed for a brother and along came Samuel, so I wasn’t sure what to expect with this pregnancy. At this point, only Eli knew I was pregnant. While I was at the doctor, he took the children to Costco to get some things, and then we went back to Ferron. I was only 6 weeks along. This pregnancy happened much sooner than I had anticipated, so it was somewhat unexpected, but not unplanned. I was feeling excited and happy at the prospects of another baby. I thought I would most likely have a little girl, as boys are not very common in the McMillan family, but I had a feeling that I was having a boy; a brother for Samuel to play with.
June 30, 2009
Today we all (Eli, the girls and Samuel) went to see Dr. Bean in his office in American Fork to see what gender our baby was. We were all very excited to find out. From the start, Sydney and Claire had both said they thought it was a girl, but two weeks before going in, Sydney changed her mind to say she thought it was a boy. She had also prayed for twins. Eli waited outside with the children until it was our turn to go in. I was a little apprehensive. This pregnancy had already been different from my previous pregnancies. I was much more tired and feeling much more sickly. I was also much larger in my tummy and had gained much more weight very early on. My ankles were also swelling, something that didn’t normally happen until much later in pregnancy. I was hopeful that my due date was off and I was further along than they thought. I had a feeling, however, that I was pregnant with twin boys.
Before Dr. Bean started, he said "are you sure you want to know because once we look there's no going back?" We told him we were sure. Dr. Bean started the ultrasound and didn’t really say anything for a few minutes. He just kept looking. Finally he said “You know you’re having twins don’t you?” I looked over at Eli in a somewhat state of disbelief. He then told us that they were both boys. He continued by telling us that it appeared that there were some serious problems with them, but he wanted us to see a perintolgist to confirm what he suspected. Where we lived so far away, he wanted us to see the perintologist that day. He made arrangements for us to see that doctor at 3.
My mom called while I was waiting for Dr. Bean to make arrangements, and I told her I was having twin boys. She had been telling me that I was going to have twins because I was so big, but when I told her she didn’t believe me. I had to have the receptionist talk to her. I also called my siblings to let them know as well. It was a surprise for everyone, but they were all excited.
While I was waiting for Dr. Bean, Eli took the children outside to play and to talk to them. Sydney was very concerned with her little brothers. Claire, who is always taking cues from Sydney, was also upset. They didn’t understand everything, but they knew one baby was not doing very good. It was very hard to help them understand when we knew so little ourselves. It was such an odd position that we found ourselves in. In a moment our lives changed.
We then went to lunch at La Carreta to celebrate. I called Daniel and Cheryl while we were there and told them. They were also surprised, but excited for us. At this point, Sydney became very upset because she had heard Dr. Bean say that the twins weren’t doing well. She has such a tender heart, and she was very worried about her brothers. We tried to reassure as best we could, but there were also a lot of unknowns for us.
I was excited, but I also felt a sense of worry. Already this pregnancy was turning out differently than I would have planned, and with each visit to the doctor, I felt my control over the situation slip further and further away from me. I like to plan and control things, so this was difficult for me.
We dropped our children off with my sister-in-law Nicole, and headed down to Utah Valley Hospital to see Dr. Schemmer. We first saw someone who performed a very in depth ultrasound, and who confirmed Dr. Bean’s suspicions that our twins were in danger. She was quite frank with us and made it very apparent that we were in a serious situation. She told us that she normally doesn’t tell patients as much as she was telling us, but we were acting so calm and in control that she felt it was okay to keep us informed. I truly felt calm during the entire proceedings; I was worried, but I did feel a sense of calm from the start.
After she did her measurements and assessments, Dr. Schemmer came in. He also explained how serious our situation was and recommended that we go see Dr. Belfort in the morning. He thought our twins had Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) and because of that, one twin was dying from too little nutrients, and one twin was dying from having too much. Dr. Belfort is an expert in the field of dealing with twins that have TTTS, and was capable of performing a laser surgery to cut off the blood link between the twins to enable to them to thrive on their own. If we did nothing, there was a 90% chance that they would both die. We made arrangements to see Dr. Belfort the next morning at 9 am.
Once again we were leaving a doctor’s appointment with more questions than answers. I was feeling the weight of the situation at this point. Eli had parked his truck at the Deseret Book in Spanish Fork because we were just going to go to the doctor, find out the gender, and be back on our way home, and Eli was going to go back to work. Well, once again our plans were changed and instead we went down and picked up his truck to take back to my grandparent’s home in American Fork. I had a return to make at Deseret Book; I wasn’t feeling much like going in, so Eli took it in for me. He came back with a CD by Hillary Weeks-If I Only Had Today. He didn’t know what the CD was about, but he knew I really like Hillary Weeks, so he bought it for me. That CD will forever be associated with Joseph and Hyrum in my mind. I cried the whole way to American Fork as I listened to it. I was ready for a bath and bed. It had been a long day.