I went to the doctor on Wednesday for a followup visit and found out that the larger twin had passed away. This has been much harder to deal with than I thought it would be. This was also the first doctor's appointment that Eli wasn't with me, so it was hard being alone as well; on the other hand, it was nice to mourn by myself. I'm not much for crying around other people.
Eli was working in Vernal, so I waited to tell the girls until we could be up there with him. We went to Dinosaur National Park and had a really nice picnic. It was really beautiful and peaceful. They took it really well. Claire cried some and started hugging my tummy and telling the baby that she was sorry he died. That night was pretty rough on them when they were going to sleep, but each day gets a little easier.
Where they are identical twins, you can't take one out without taking the other, so he will stay in there until the other one is ready to come out. In some ways, I think that will be harder because when they come out I'll have to deal with the emotion all over again.
I have felt a sense of calm throughout all of this, and for that I am thankful. I'm also thankful that one is still alive. It was the bigger one that died; they think he probably died of heart failure. We have names picked out, but I'll wait to share those until we're sure on them. When I think of them, I think of their names because I didn't like calling them recipient and donor.
We will be burying him when he comes out, which is not something I expected, but I don't suppose anyone ever expects to bury a child.
It's been very much a roller coaster 2 1/2 weeks; I went from having one baby, to two, then back to one, with a surgery thrown in there. I guess Heavenly Father thought my life was just too simple and I needed to grow some.
Above all, I'm thankful for Jesus Christ who has made it possible to see my baby someday. I am also thankful for eternal families and that our family is forever. I'm sure that has helped add to my sense of calm.
Thank you all for your love, prayers and concern. We will be okay. As Eli says, "Life's hard and then you're exalted". We wouldn't know the joy without tasting the pain.
Eli was working in Vernal, so I waited to tell the girls until we could be up there with him. We went to Dinosaur National Park and had a really nice picnic. It was really beautiful and peaceful. They took it really well. Claire cried some and started hugging my tummy and telling the baby that she was sorry he died. That night was pretty rough on them when they were going to sleep, but each day gets a little easier.
Where they are identical twins, you can't take one out without taking the other, so he will stay in there until the other one is ready to come out. In some ways, I think that will be harder because when they come out I'll have to deal with the emotion all over again.
I have felt a sense of calm throughout all of this, and for that I am thankful. I'm also thankful that one is still alive. It was the bigger one that died; they think he probably died of heart failure. We have names picked out, but I'll wait to share those until we're sure on them. When I think of them, I think of their names because I didn't like calling them recipient and donor.
We will be burying him when he comes out, which is not something I expected, but I don't suppose anyone ever expects to bury a child.
It's been very much a roller coaster 2 1/2 weeks; I went from having one baby, to two, then back to one, with a surgery thrown in there. I guess Heavenly Father thought my life was just too simple and I needed to grow some.
Above all, I'm thankful for Jesus Christ who has made it possible to see my baby someday. I am also thankful for eternal families and that our family is forever. I'm sure that has helped add to my sense of calm.
Thank you all for your love, prayers and concern. We will be okay. As Eli says, "Life's hard and then you're exalted". We wouldn't know the joy without tasting the pain.
6 comments:
What a beautiful post. I hope you all continue to feel peace. Our prayers are with you.
Ang- I am so sorry---you are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't begin to imagine the pain you have gone through and will once again go through in a few months. You are a strength to us all---love you.
Annalee
Ang,
What a wonderful gift you have given your sweet son...a body. He must be some spirit to have only needed to be here for such a short time. He puts a face on Eternity for your family. We're thinking of you.
Love,
Andrea
I'm so sorry. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Write me at lindseyjames_21@hotmail.com to give me your number. I'd love to call and say hi. It's been too long.
{I check my email about once a week.}
Love ya. linz
I'm so sorry. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as well. What a good example of strength you are. Thanks for the update and beautiful post.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm really glad that you still have one baby, but can't imagine the pain you must have felt losing one, and like you said, having to go through it all again in a few months. I know Heavenly Father is mindful of us though and there is something to be learned. I hope all is well now. Thanks for sharing.
Emily
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